Holding Back
by elizabethkate.x
Summary: Cook can't take it any longer. Set two years after Freddie's death. Ceffy


**This is set two years after Freddie's death. I'm not sure if I like it or not, so please review! Enjoy! :)**

**x**

**oh and the definitions are from . thanks for reading!**

_She's beautiful. Broken, but absolutely beautiful,_ Cook thought.

He looked at Effy, stretched out next to him on the bed. The walls, once stripped of every decoration and memory, had regained some of their glory.

_Just like her._

_Nightmare: a__ terrifying dream in which the dreamer experiences feelings of helplessness, extreme anxiety, sorrow, etc._

It had been two years since Freddie's death. Pain, shock, confusion, chaos… Nothing could describe the feelings they had felt. At first it just seemed like a dream. Maybe not a dream exactly, more like some cruel joke someone had played on their little group. A nightmare. Like they would all wake up and have a couple drinks or some pills and everything would be fine. Except it wasn't, and it was like the earth had been knocked off its axis once the cold realization hit them. Time was sort of like a cure, though.

_Time: __the system of those sequential relations that any event has to any other, as past, present, or future; indefinite and continuous duration regarded as that in which events succeed one another._

During the past two years, the group had become closer. Pandora and Thomas left for the U.S. together. They frequently shared their experiences by texting, calling, or writing letters, even though Panda's didn't always make sense. Naomi and Emily were back together, and JJ had won Lara's heart. Lots of therapy time with a counselor who seemed somewhat like a grandmother (in a good way) really helped Effy, although it did take her some time to get over her initial fears. Katie spent a lot of time with Effy, and the two had forged a strong friendship. John Foster had left his mark on everyone in more ways than one.

_Fragile: easily broken, shattered, or damaged; delicate; brittle; frail. vulnerably delicate, as in appearance._

Cook spent almost every day with Effy. They would go places, or talk, or just enjoy each other's company. Sometimes they were with the rest of the group, and sometimes it was just the two of them. They were friends, close friends, but nothing more. Effy was vulnerable. She needed him to keep her grounded and safe because she was in such a fragile state. Cook kept his distance; he kept his heart on lockdown. Even though it nearly killed him, Cook knew that he had to. He was James Cook, and he would do anything for Elizabeth Stonem.

_Radiance: warm, cheerful brightness; splendor, brilliance._

_I would do anything for you, _Cook thought. _Anything in the world._

He watched Effy's chest rise and fall as she slept, silent and peaceful. She was better these days; the happiest Cook had seen her since Freddie's death. Almost radiant, even, and Cook was thankful for that. He was glad that she had recovered, and that there hadn't been anymore traumatic events for her to suffer through.

_I really fucking love her._

As the thought rolled through Cook's head, Effy opened her eyes as if she knew. She looked at him, her gaze a mix of passion and that ever present sadness.

"Eff, I love you. I always have, and I always will. I held it in because you were recovering and I didn't want to fuck anything up, but I can't do it any longer. You're the one. I'll do anything for you."

Effy tried to say that she felt the same way, but her voice caught and her eyes started to well up. She managed a "thank you" but Cook stopped her from saying anything else with a kiss on the forehead.

Gently sliding Effy's top over her head, Cook placed small kisses from her forehead to her lips, tracing over her breasts and stomach. He moved slowly, almost as though he was honoring or worshipping something sacred. Effy sighed contentedly and relaxed into the pillows. Cook wanted more, he wanted to explore and learn everything about her, but he held back just once more. The two had fucked before, of course, but this was not the same. This was real, and Cook wanted the moment to last. He wanted Effy to understand that he genuinely cared, and that this really was different. Cook placed one more kiss on Effy's lips as he wrapped his arms around her and Effy nuzzled up into his side. She looked up at Cook almost shyly before saying, "I think Freds understands. He knows, I mean, and I think he understands." Cook smiled, holding her close, feeling like he had finally done something right.

_Forever: without ever ending; eternally; for everlasting time._


End file.
